After Veric left, I laid face-down on the bed and buried my head in the pillow to feel sorry for myself for a while.

It felt like I’d set myself up for an indefinite period of emotional torture just because I didn’t want to let Veric down.

Wasn’t I supposed to be a cold-hearted person? If so, then why did I let myself be swayed by emotion so easily…

Things were easier when I didn’t care about who I was dealing with. So after I finished wallowing, I got dressed in one of Acacius’ fanciest suits and left for the dinner gathering with the Fellowship of the Silver Wing.

When I reached the top floor of the conference building where the Dawn River Suite was located, Cynara was waiting at suite entrance, looking deeply uncomfortable. Next to her, with no readable expression and for no purpose I could discern, was Luka.

“Acacius, you’re here.” Cynara came up to me with such verve I could almost mistake it for wanting to see me. “What took you so long?”

I glanced at the ornately carved clock in the foyer to check the time. “I’m early.”

“Come earlier if you want to be on time for a gathering like this,” she said, which I suspected was more because she wished I’d gotten here faster than because I was actually late. Then, “Luka wants to talk to you.”

I looked at Luka. He looked back. “Does he?”

“I’m going inside,” said Cynara. “Come in when you’re done being weird.”

She flounced in through the doors, another instance of her favorite winning move: leaving before anyone else could get the last word.

I wasn’t exactly eager to have a heart to heart with Luka, but there were definitely things we needed to talk about privately. So after a moment of thought, I motioned for him to follow me to the end of the hallway, out a pair of double doors, and onto a small balcony overlooking the campus gardens below.

Leaning against the carved stone railing, I turned my face towards the breeze and asked, “So what did you want to talk about?”

Luka stood right behind my shoulder, so I shifted away to put some space between us. “I thought you might have something to say to me.”

For some reason, that statement got me feeling like a dog with its hackles up. I pushed down the urge to be contrary and shut him down, because unfortunately, he was right. I did have something to say.

“You should be careful,” I said, looking out at the campus so I wouldn’t have to look at him. “That last power you used… it erases the world’s records, doesn’t it? But there is a lot you can learn about something just by the absence it leaves behind.”

Luka came to stand next to me by the railing. His gaze was piercing.

“No one knows about that part of my ability except my teacher.”

He paused.

“And now you.”

“Isn’t that nice?” I said acerbically. “Now we both know something secret about the other.”

“Does that make us closer to each other?” said Luka without any change in inflection. Now that was a joke if I’d ever heard one.

“Just watch out, okay? I did something big this time. The aftermath will be scrutinized by the Atmospheric Chancery, the Ministry of Security of Investigation, and any experts they bring in. If they figure things out…”

“It will be fine,” Luka said. “I erased our traces cleanly, and no one saw me arrive or depart from the area.”

I glanced down at the various dragon statues and reliefs dotting the architecture around us.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that. Don’t underestimate the Myth-level figures in the area. Not to mention, Artunis Sattari is interested in the Order of the Black Sun’s case, isn’t she? No matter what, don’t get into a locked room alone with her. I don’t care if you think things went fine last time; don’t do it again.”

It was a vague warning, but I didn’t yet know if it would trigger any consequences to reveal the secrets that had happened in her locked room.

Luka pondered my words for a moment, then said, “Understood.”

When nothing more was forthcoming, I couldn’t help but glance back at him.

“Is that all you have to say? No questions at all?”

Luka just looked back at me.

“What can I ask?”

Unbidden, his previous words came to my mind.

Find a way to me. Even if I had to let go.

I looked away.

That would have been the perfect place to end the conversation, but instead, I found myself saying, “What do you think of Veric’s relationship with the temple? You’ve known her longer than me.”

Luka let out a faint hum.

“It is a large part of her life,” he opined. “It serves as a clear direction, a guiding star. But when that direction conflicts with her other desires, it becomes the cause of much turmoil.”

Veric was someone who earnestly tried to do right by others, but she didn’t dress the part of a Saintess. Sometimes the appearance was more important than anything else.

Of course, successfully wearing the mask didn’t necessarily mean you would be happy. Just look at Roxana — and at me.

“Don’t you think it’s a problem to want so much?” I said. “If she gave up on living up to the Saintess’ image, maybe she’d be happier.”

Luka shook his head.

“You don’t decide what you desire, and removing desire won’t lead to happiness,” he said, matter-of-fact, as if describing that fire was hot or ice was cold. “People want to desire, to chase it, and to fulfill it. Without that, life would be empty.”

I was dissatisfied. “People want things that are bad for them all the time. Drugs. Gambling. Other forms of self-destruction. You have to know how to deny yourself if you really want to be happy.”

“If you believe that,” said Luka, “why do you want to help Veric’s position in the temple, instead of steering her away from it?”

It’d be easier for me if he just accepted my motives at face value, but he’d be kind of an idiot if he did.

“I don’t know,” I said, an answer that was more honest than was really comfortable. “I guess… I just thought it would be nice if she could be rewarded for being kind.”

I don’t know what I thought Luka would say to that. Maybe that it was a strange sentiment for Acacius, or that conspiring to destroy a section of the city wasn’t really a typical reward.

Instead, Luka folded his arms on the balcony rail next to me and leaned forward, first gazing out at the sun lowering in the sky, then at me. The purple shadow of dusk settled gently over his face in a haze.

“I’ve been thinking for a while now,” he said. “You aren’t as cold as you want to appear. When you care about someone, it runs deep.”

I narrowed my eyes. “What are you talking about?”

Luka met my gaze, unflinching.

“You are capable of going this far for someone you will not call a friend,” he said. “So why couldn’t you do that for me, who you once did?”

It was like I’d been doused in ice. My whole body went cold.

“Who I… once…”

Acacius had been… friends with him, once?

A nameless dread roared to life within me, monstrous as the devouring dark, threatening to swallow me whole.

That meant—

This whole time—

Luka wasn’t just Acacius’ former enemy. No, he was like Rhoswen. Like Zaire.

Suddenly, every color around me was too bright, every sound too loud. The breath tearing raggedly out of my mouth scraped harshly against my ears. I couldn’t stop staring at his blood-red eyes, the feathering darkness of his long eyelashes on his pale cheeks, the splintering reflection of light off his dangling gold earrings, all these puzzle pieces that had made sense just moments before but now wouldn’t come back together into his previous image no matter how hard I tried.

I’d fought with him, bled with him, sent him personally into the jaws of death. I’d taken his helping hand, more than once. I’d asked him to trust me.

What had I done?

And Luka, that damnable bastard, didn’t look away from me. He tilted his head like a carrion crow assessing the open wound of a dying animal, seeking to pick apart what it saw, with no empathy there to beg for at all.

“Acacius,” he said. “Why did that make you scared?”

I couldn’t think of what face to make. I didn’t realize I’d taken a step back from him until he reached out for me and I’d slapped his hand away so hard my skin stung.

Luka didn’t change his expression. He slowly withdrew his hand. Why had he tried reaching out at all? How could he do that to me?

He was nothing at all like Chen Xiarui, but for a moment, all I could see was their faces overlapping.

I don’t know everything about you, but I know our history. The person who saved me can’t be a bad person.

“Do you…”

I barely recognized my voice as it came out.

“…think that we could be friends just by one of us saying so?”

That idiot never knew how much I’d used him and deceived him, even until the end.

“You think friendship is as casual as liking someone… or caring about them a little? Paying some lip service when it’s convenient?” My voice rose without my command. My breath caught in my throat, not enough to stop the next words from being spat out. “It’s a commitment! It’s saying to the other person, I want you in my life, I want it enough to work for it, and I will try to do right by you if you will, too…”

“I do want it,” said Luka. “And I am willing.”

It was impossible.

Because I didn’t want to be close to anyone, because I couldn’t bring him into my life, because I couldn’t do right by him from the start.

I felt my lips draw back as if possessed by madness, and then I spat out, as cruelly as I could—

“Since when have I ever had that relationship with you?”

But Luka didn’t flinch, or withdraw, or do anything I wanted him to do in that moment, as if he couldn’t see at all the way I was trying to hurt him now. He looked at me as if I was the one hurting, and in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to grab him by the lapels and fling him off the balcony so he couldn’t look at me like that anymore.

Luka parted his mouth to say something. I couldn’t bear to hear another word.

Turning on my heel, I all but fled the balcony. I slammed the doors shut behind me as firmly as I had the doors of my grave.

By the time I made it to the doors to the Silver Wing’s gathering, the tightness in my chest had grown to such a crescendo I thought I wouldn’t be able to pull off tonight at all.

If I went in to that Fellowship meeting, I’d have to see Cynara, who cared for her brother still, and whose brother I’d killed.

But if I didn’t go, how would I find out if my attack had created the desired consequences?

How much of a mess had I already caused, just for this?

I placed my hands on the door, taking deep, trembling breaths.

Right. The damage was already done. That room was full of people I’d already targeted, who it wouldn’t matter to lash out at a bit more. If I didn’t go now, then what had I done everything for?

I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, fixed my expression, and then once I was sure it wouldn’t fall apart, I walked in.

Everyone else had already arrived. All of them, of course, looked perfectly put together. Just a bunch of shallow and sickening masqueraders at a ball. It was only natural that I could fit right in with them. With a curt nod of greeting, I strode forward and took my place at the table, where small bowls of appetizers had already been half-emptied.

“Welcome, Acacius,” said Yugrazal from her place at the head of the table. “I am pleased that you could make it here today.”

“Indeed,” said Javier, where he was seated on the other end. “Today’s events warrant a discussion from the full contingent of the scions of the Six Families. However, there is no hurry. Let us see to our well-being and fill our stomachs first.”

He rang a silver bell that had been placed on the table next to him, and two servers came through a side door with a cart to serve us our meals. A fancier setup than what we’d done before. Elegantly and in near silence, they placed our food before us and poured us each a glass of red wine before retreating out of sight.

The last time I’d had anything to drink was the night I’d found out the reason why Zaire was so determined to always stay by Acacius’ side.

You are the one who saved me.

As the others started carving up the steak on their plate, I reached for my serving of wine.

I barely tuned into the conversation. It was mostly small talk about classes, academics, some recent club events I hadn’t heard of. They neatly carved up the meat with their knives and forks as they ate, a prim and slow process. I reigned in my impatience and copied their mannerisms. The food was delicious. Like many things in life, this fact brought me both pleasure and resentment.

Once upon a time, Teacher would have been here to tell me that I was doing a good job of controlling my temper and looking past my hatred. But what should I do? Teacher wasn’t here anymore. How was her foolish disciple supposed to learn to live upright now?

The wine glass was empty now, so I filled it again from the bottle that was left on the table. The wine was lighter and more fragrant than the cheap soju I used to badger Chen Xiarui into treating me to. Someone should’ve beaten me for acting so familiar. I wished my drink was stronger, with more bite. I filled the wine glass again.

When the plates were near-empty, Javier rang the bell again for dessert. The servers took away my plate, which was empty, and the others’, which still had plenty of edible food on it. It was such a waste. The servers gave us all a chocolate and strawberry flavored cake-like thing in small glass bowls, topped with a glossy drizzle and a sugary cherry. The server refilled my glass.

Yugrazal asked everyone how they’d enjoyed the meal. Nastaran, Mehran, and Cynara made polite responses. Xander said something polite in a rude tone of voice. I watched the servers leave the room and didn’t say anything.

Yugrazal wanted to talk about today’s events now.

“It is fortunate that no one was seriously hurt today,” she said. “However, today’s events reflect poorly on us — some of us more than others,” she also said.

She and Javier focused their attention on Mehran and Nastaran. Xander scoffed mockingly.

“I understand that you are younger than us,” Javier said patronizingly, resting his elbows on the table and steepling his pale fingers together. “However, even without lived experience, there are steps that can be taken. Hiring a competent bodyguard cannot be beyond your means, no?”

“If not a bodyguard, then purchasing a life-saving item of choice,” said Yugrazal. “Surely your stock could not have been depleted during your recent ordeal in KP-04?”

Nastaran brushed her braid over her shoulder with a smile. “But we didn’t end up needing to use such precious items, did we? Someone else did the work for us.”

“Well, that is precisely the problem,” said Javier. “How could you let yourself be seen being saved by a prominent member of the Dragon Shrine?”

“By Saintess Corisande’s most favored Saintess candidate, no less,” added Yugrazal. “Please, explain it to me. How did a healer put up a greater fight than you?”

“Verica is not a pure healer — at least, not anymore,” Mehran replied calmly. “Is that not the very source of her current predicament in the Shrine?”

“A fact currently hidden from the public, and one that hardly matters now that she has defeated a threat to the city before everyone’s eyes,” Javier retorted. “What have I always told you? In politics, whatever your interests are, you must always present a justification. In one afternoon, the two of you have undercut the best justifications we had to influence the matters of the Dragon Shrine. Congratulations, my dear juniors, on such a monumental achievement.”

Across the table from me, Xander laughed meanly, earning himself hostile stares from all across the table. “Serves you right,” he said viciously to no one in particular. “Who told you to set your eyes on the Dragon Shrine?”

“Please, don’t play high and mighty with us,” said Nastaran next to him, rolling her eyes and inspecting her fingernails. “As if the opportunity to station your people at the Shrine wouldn’t have you Morgans salivating at the mouth. Oh, wait!” She made an expression of faux sadness. “You don’t have the ability!”

Xander curled his lip. “Don’t lump us in with you scheming rats. Unlike you, the North has a long history of cooperation with the Dragon Shrine. We don’t need to resort to your petty tactics. So if they had to choose any of the Six Families to ally with, why wouldn’t it be us?”

“But the North is far, and the other Families are near,” Mehran observed. “What can you truly do for them?”

Xander tossed him a contemptuous look. “If the North is so far, then see if you’re really willing to challenge the reach of our swords.”

But in the end, didn’t that mean Xander’s family could only offer the same as the other families here? Didn’t that mean they were all the same? I wanted to laugh, but seeing how Cynara was staring at the tablecloth in front of her like it was the most riveting play in the world, I chose not to draw attention to our side of the table like that. Instead, I scooped up some of the dessert to try. It was explosively sweet.

“Enough squabbling,” said Javier. “It’s useless to discuss this when the prize is no longer within reach. We must address the situation at hand.”

Yugrazal dipped her head in agreement. “The end result of today’s events is that the opportunity to grasp the Shrine has fallen out of our hands.” Her eyes were dark as she gazed at Nastaran and Mehran. “All due to your inopportune weakness.”

“Now, aren’t you being unfair?” said Nastaran. “We aren’t solely to blame. Haven’t you all noticed that there is one family that escaped any harm during today’s attack?”

At her words, everyone’s eyes skipped right over Cynara and were drawn to me.

“The Six Families have always worked together on matters of mutual interest,” Nastaran said demurely. “It’s a shame things happened the way they did today. If we had simply had advance warning, this unfortunate situation wouldn’t have happened at all.”

This was the final straw. I broke into a fit of laughter, too long and loud for current company. Then, after throwing back another mouthful from my wine glass, I looked at Nastaran and smiled.

“Yeah. That’s right. I knew what would happen; I knew that you would be screwed over; and I did nothing to help you, because I wanted to see you humiliated and brought down to your knees. Would it make you happy if I said that?”

Still smiling, I slammed the glass back down, eliciting flinches from all but Xander and Yugrazal.

“Or do you just want someone to blame so you don’t have to face how weak, how incapable, and how pathetic you were today?”

“Hey, now,” said Nastaran. “You didn’t lose anything, so what are you so angry about? Did I hit you where it hurts?”

I laughed. “If the destruction of property on that street counts as ‘nothing lost,’ then none of us have lost anything.”

“You don’t live there anymore,” Mehran said quietly.

I narrowed my eyes.

“But Cynara does. A few minutes’ difference, and she would have been there with all of you. And what kind of showing did you put on today? Cooperation? Unity? Don’t make me laugh.”

Cynara was stiff in her seat, like a frozen bird.

“Nastaran raises an important point,” Yugrazal said. “It is quite the coincidence that every member of the Duval family avoided the attack itself. If you wish for the unity and support of the Six Families, Acacius, then should you not share your sincerity first?”

I sneered.

“Why should I be sincere with two leaders who have proven that they will abandon everyone else for their own sake, then blame those they abandoned for struggling? Let me be clear: even if I did know something would happen today, there is no way I would have entrusted anything important to you.”

Xander, who had been watching the conversation up until now with great schadenfreude, scoffed.

“Important? Are you pretending to care about family, now? You?”

“Family should take care of family. Especially,” I said, eyes drifting back to Yugrazal and Javier, “if nobody else will.”

Xander laughed sharply. “Do you realize how unconvincing that sounds from someone who tried to kill his brother just a few short weeks ago?”

I jeered. “Who’d want to be brothers with someone who would run away alone? Oh, wait!” I made a fake expression of realization and smacked my forehead with my palm. “That would make Linden fit right in!”

Xander’s expression darkened. “Linden’s nothing like you!”

“Should we invite him back, then?” I said loudly, talking right over him. “It’d be easy. All Linden would have to do is take back the Duval family name. Or, since you love commenting on my family affairs so much, why don’t you join two bloodlines and let Linden take your family’s name instead!”

Xander, flushing red, scraped his chair across the floor in a grating scream as he stood and drew his sword. I had no idea which part of my speech had hit his sore spot, but I rose to my feet as well, light-headed enough that I had to steady myself with the table. People scrambled away, hovered, called our names.

Who cared?

Picking up my wine glass, I held it out to Xander with a smile, staring at the reflection of hatred in his eyes.

“Go on, take it, then! Challenge me, duel me, kill me, do what Linden never got to do!”

With a furious roar, Xander slashed his sword through the air, the blade glittering frost-silver underneath the gentle chandeliers’ glow. The wine glass shattered in my hand, a furious refusal of my call. Red spilled over my hand, my shirt, dripping down to the floor.

A soft laugh bubbled out of my mouth.

“You did it wrong, Xander,” I said, sing-song. “You have to take the cup of bitterness yourself before breaking it.”

Xander’s face was shadowed. The burning hot rage I’d seen there was draining away into something distant and cold. The sword in his hand brightened, scattering motes of light like crystal dust.

“Xander!” Nastaran yelled, peering out from behind a chair. “Don’t fall for it, you idiot, he’s just provoking you!”

“I know,” said Xander calmly. He lifted the blade, glinting like a mirror shard, and pointed it at me.

“Yugrazal,” Mehran pleaded from where he’d backed away to the wall. “Do something.”

“There’s no need,” said Xander, still calm. “I won’t go beyond reason.”

“Wow, Mehran.” I touched my forehead and shook my head sadly. “Ask the person who abandoned you once to help out this time. Do you really think things will go different?”

“According to reason,” said Xander, “I don’t see why I should let things with him stand.”

Yugrazal, who’d been standing at the head of the table, slowly nodded at Xander’s words. She sank back down into her seat.

I laughed and laughed.

It hurt.

“Acacius,” Cynara whispered.

“Yeah. That’s right. It’s my fault,” I said. “So come on! Let’s see how much you can hurt me!”

I spread my arms out and tilted my head, baring my neck, daring him to come take it.

“Don’t be foolish, Acacius,” said Javier from the other head of the table. “An appeal to conscience or emotion won’t work on him now. You’ve made your bed, so draw your weapon and lie in it.”

“Why should I?” I said. “Just sit back. Let him punish me.” Xander’s eyes were steady as he pointed the sword at me; a magnificent glow of cold light gathered on its edge. I leaned forward. “Blame me for his actions, for my brother’s suffering, and for everything that has ever gone wrong for you, so you never have to look at yourself!”

Xander’s sword flashed. A great impact hit me from the side and sent me tumbling down.

With how dizzy I was, it took me a moment to regain my bearings.

I was lying on the floor. Cynara was on top of me; she must have tackled me down. A frost-coated gash had ripped itself into the wall behind where I’d been standing. Her coat was torn over the arm and back, and she was bleeding.

“Acacius,” she whispered. “Please stop it.”

Dumbfounded, I stared up at the tears welling up and rolling down her freckled cheeks.

Didn’t she hate Acacius?

“Why?” I said.

The question only made her cry harder.

Above and behind her, Xander stepped into view. He hadn’t put away his sword.

“Get out of the way, Cynara,” he said, calm as a frozen lake. “You’ll get hurt again.”

Cynara shook her head wildly. When I tried to get out from under her, she pushed me back down by the shoulder, spreading her arms out to block more of my body.

“Xander,” she said. “He’s the reason why Linden’s been getting better lately.”

Just like that, Xander’s calm expression cracked.

“…What?”

Cynara shook her head, sniffling.

“Today wasn’t his fault,” she pleaded. “You can’t hurt him.”

She couldn’t have twisted the knife harder if she’d tried. I couldn’t think of a single word to say.

So I pulled myself up into a sitting position, pushing her away.

She wouldn’t have it. She grabbed onto my shoulders, awkwardly shuffling across the ground, just to keep shielding me from what I’d drawn my way. The room was silent except for her muffled sobs.

Xander and I looked at each other over her head. The helplessness I felt was reflected in the emotion slowly bleeding back into his face.

What could I do?

What else was there to do?

Placing a hand on Cynara’s shoulder, I drew her in for a light hug. She clung onto me like she was about to lose her brother. She didn’t know she already had.

What kind of face should Acacius make right now?

I couldn’t think of anything. I didn’t know what expression I had now. I could only bow my head to hide whatever was there from view.

Maybe it was too late to keep the others from seeing it, but—

As long as Cynara didn’t see it, it was fine.

“I’m sorry, Xander,” I said. “I took things too far tonight.”

Even though it should’ve been what she wanted, my apology elicited a fresh sob from where Cynara had pressed her face into my shoulder and was soaking my shirt with her tears.

After a long moment of stillness, Xander slowly sheathed his sword.

“The Morgans are an action-oriented family,” he said. “Too much so, sometimes.”

Was that supposed to be an apology, too?

Well, he didn’t need to give one. Since everything was my fault, after all.

“If what Cynara said was true,” Xander added, “then…”

He went silent. I guess he couldn’t think of what to say either.

“Cynara,” I said, “Let’s go.”

No one spoke as I helped Cynara up and steered her gently out of the room.

Luka wasn’t in sight, for which I was infinitely grateful. I took Cynara to the women’s washroom, helped her out of her torn coat, and cleaned her wounds as best as I could. Because of that, I saw a thorn-and-flower tattoo around her wrist that was nearly identical to my [Flower in the Garden of Sin]. When she noticed me looking, she moved her sleeve down to cover it up.

I was too tired to even begin analyzing that, so I just went back to my self-assigned task. Using [Caller], I cut up strips of cloth from my coat to use as a tourniquet and bandaged her as best as I could. Cynara didn’t say much, just sat there sniffling and doing as I told until I was done.

With initial treatment taken care of, I took her arm in mine and led her out of the building, into the night.

“How about I take you to the Dragon Shrine?” I said.

I was still feeling a little light-headed from the wine, but not so much that I couldn’t navigate the transit system.

Cynara wiped at her eyes and gave a small nod. Even though so much time had passed, she was still producing tears.

I guess Acacius had known her best; she really was a crybaby.

There weren’t many people on the trolley line at night. The ride passed mostly in silence before we got off at the stop. From here, the Dragon Shrine’s temple was in sight; a gentle light spilled from its open doorways.

I pulled Cynara forward with me, but then a strange distortion of the moon above us caught my eye. I stopped in my tracks, the back of my neck prickling, and looked around.

Cynara raised her head. “Acacius?”

The air before us distorted and rippled. I pulled us a few steps back.

A black rift tore open in the air, and Cyprian Duval stepped through, holding a dark lantern in one hand and his sword in the other. When he straightened up, his figure blocked the moon. Graves silently followed behind him, taking up his place behind Cyprian as the entrance to the moon path realm sealed itself shut behind them.

Cyprian looked down at me, the wine staining my clothes, and the blood soaking through Cynara’s. He narrowed his eyes and set his mouth in what might have been a frown or a smile.

“Greetings, my beloved children,” he said. “It is time for us to have a little talk.”

Chapter 64 Back to Index